A MODEL FOR US ALL


So... this is you...Mr. Gubler??? You look a bit...blurred...
you looked CLEARER in Criminal minds...

No, you silly, I'm not REALLY here...this is just a TV interview!
And...what the hell have you done with your pic? You look much nicer than you really are...
PATHETIC!


Can we go on with this interview??? President Bush and the Pope are planned
to be next and it's already half an hour they are standing out there in the rain...
So, How did you do to become an actor, Mr. Gubler?


Actually I did A LOT more in order NOT to become an actor...
I'm a country boy, the Hollywood world was not for me...

You know, there, everything is corrupted with sin
and lust...and...and
all kinds of..of...of PERVERSION!

women and men...

men and men...

and even...MEN and....




I don't even DARE to tell you...

A real ABOMINATION!

Girls didn't leave me alone a second, it was annoying...

sometimes even VERY annoying...

but that wasn't the worst!
also the guys at the studio were looking at me in that funny way

telling me kinda...dirty stories of...animals...I think there were lots of flies...no.. .wasps, maybe...
NO, I GOT IT, birds and bees in them...
I wonder WHY...

always looking at me with...you know, that "have you nipples?"
kind of look...

until that I still could COPE with the situation....
BUT then

THE DOG started to wink at me TOO!

That's why I decided I had to leave that world.. and look for a cleaner,
easier, world...a world where everybody smiles.. everybody
is happy
for each daily little thing, like eating a bit of cheese
or wearing a pair of shoes and immediately becoming
a basketball champion...

I became a MODEL!



It was harder than I thought, though...

You have to know that to keep your body in perfect shape is a full time job! The guy kept on telling me "Matthew you have to get rid off all this cellulitis..."

so I started to do the G.U.B.E.(Get Unconscious Before Eating) diet:
a friend had to hit me very hard on my head just before every meal.
Painful, yes, but INCREDIBLY effective!
Despite I was so hungry that I almost started to eat myself up,

after only a couple of weeks I looked like this:


but I think the worst of all was the chiropodist.

a real TORTURE!

And advertising was also quite hard stuff...

The first advertising I had to do, for instance, at the beginning
I thought it was for a well known brand of body creams and shampoos...
l'Oreab, they said..but it turned out to be
" Long' Original Rifles, Explosives and Bombs"
and it was hard....

trying to look sexy when you had to say...

after being blown away by a huge explosion....

But frankly the second spot, for the same company, was even worst, I hadn't a word to say, just aim

and shoot:

and the other guy didn't even have a medical insurance!

the last one I did was an advertisment for a cheap plastic surgery clinic, the M&M, (Moderate and Marvellous) clinic.
The slogan had to be "melt your thighs not your purse" or something like that.

the scene was just perfect..

only, I put a bit too much enthusiasm in it...

luckily the guy was left-handed.

that is why I came back to the cinema.
They have STUNT MEN, there.

STAIRWAY TO FAME

All of you, of course, know Matthew Gray Gubler, a brilliant young
actor who has an outstanding role in "Criminal Minds", CBS lead show.
But few people know his real story, his struggle to climb the stairs of
fame...

CHILDHOOD IN THE FOREST
Young MGG came to life in a miserable cabin in the Las Vegas Woods.
His father, a poor trapper who could hardly feed his 21 children, was
obliged to collect wood in the forest to warm up his family in the long
Las Veganian winters.
Here you can see some rare photos from the family album.

They were so poor that Matthew's father was obliged to go hunting in
the forest to feed the family:

the skins of the slaughtered animals were used as clothes in
the Winter:


This is a photo of Matthew and two of his brothers, taken
in Summer:


HITCHHIKINGTO A NEW WOODS

One day young Matthew had enough of this life of misery, and decided
to look for another woods where he could live far from his family.
And he started his career of a hitchhiker.
At the beginning his lack of coordination gave him some problems:

the drivers had an extremely hard time trying to figure out where
the hell the boy wanted to go...
Finally, when he managed to follow the indication "Hollywood",
he was miles away from imagining what life was planning for him....
When he realized at last that the Holly-WOOD wasn't one, he realized also
that he needed something to wear instead of his usual Winter clothes...
and especially instead of his usual SUMMER ones....

Young Matthew had no money, but he has compassionate even if
picturesque friends:



Each one of them gave him one of their clothes. The result was...
well, interesting...

and relatively correct, considering from WHERE the trousers came from...



BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS

The young Matthew was now in Hollywood...as someone once said:
"He wasn't able to do anything, so he became an actor"

and a GREAT one.

But before getting the role that made us all love him, he had to
literally cross the desert.
He made ALL the possible castings, undergoing terrible
deceptions and humiliations.
Here you will find all the films he could have been in if only
his luck had been as big as his talent...

MGG'S "ALMOST" FILMOGRAPHY

Some like it hot


Pretty woman


The horse whisperer



Kiss of the dragon

The dear hunter



E.T. the extra-terrestrial



SHREK

and SHREK 2

LASSIE

OOOPS! sorry, this was the guy who actually GOT the
role (before the make up and special effects session)

THIS was Matthew...


er...nice try, Matthew!!!

and the most important role he ALMOST had:

BASIC INSTINCT!
(The role was finally given to Sharon Stone all because
Matthew was wearing a PINK shock in the chair
seduction's scene! There is no justice!!!)

MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER IS AN ALIEN AND WE HAVE THE PROOF!!!


from the Newgubeyork Times:


As many of you have already discovered reading the past number of our newspaper, the stunning news we have revealed are finding confirmation.
A week ago we published the photo of young actor Matthew Gray Gubler where he clearly appears to be an alien coming from outer space. This photo was taken from Mr. Andy Swan's documentary. The unknown and brave journalist wasn't allowed to air his short film, but we could get a screen cap.
As many of you certainly remember, in this photo the Alien had been caught while he has pulled away his human skin gloves, and his hands were showing their original color:


Since the publication of this picture, many people apparently found the courage to send the photos they had made, giving us the mission to say to the whole world : YES, MGG IS AN ALIEN, PROBABLY A DANGEROUS ONE AND CERTAINLY HE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE AMONG US!

First of all, his name "GUBLER", according to Prof. LeeChrista, one of the greatest experts of Alien Life on Earth from the Discussthegube Universitiy, Orlando, FL, has a precise signification which, after a long work of decoding reveals to be:
"Group Undercover Betelgeusians Landing on Earth Researchers"
shortened as "GUBE": "Group Undercover Betelgeuse-Earth" on informal alien documents.

According to the deep observation and works of Prof. LeeChrista who examined all the documents simple American citizens sent to her care,
here is the proof that Aliens are among us:

Because of their particular breathing system (a bronchial system that compels them to breathe through their 'fingers')
they cannot use normal beds (too smooth for them, with high risk of suffocation) to sleep on, so they use chairs instead:
The "human" envelope which covers them is highly elastic, (here you can see the alien starting to pull it off)
but generally they don't bother to take off the "clothes", so they usually bathe totally dressed:
The bath, as you can observe on the above picture is a complicate dance ritual that usually ends up with the capture of a victim:
this rare photo shows how the Alien starts his horrid meal.


When they are sure not to be observed, they pull out complicated metallic internal organs:

Prof Lee has reasons
to think they are used for REPRODUCTION.


Prof. Lee was longtime uncertain about the reason which forces Aliens to constantly carry small cups, similar to our cups of coffee:



and sometimes even BIG containers:


She had many theories, constant need of rehydration, due to the different atmosphere, maybe a container where Aliens put the things they need...but the unexpected answer came with an extremely rare couple of photos which were sent from an anonymous American citizen who managed, risking his own life, to shoot a picture of Aliens true appearance:

AND HERE IS THE BIGGEST SCOOP:

MGG (still with his human enveloppe) and his fiancée Kat Dennings (or Cameron Richardson or whoever, this specimen seems to have a whole set of different mugs...) in tender attitude.