G.U.B.E.
(Get the Unbelivable Best Episode)

I think I am expressing
here everybody's thought...
There is not enough of ME,

In that Criminal Minds TV show.
I talked about that to Simon ...

He listened to me for about...
let's say, one hour, maybe two.
He was absolutely
ENTHOUSIASTIC!
he finally said:
'go on Mr. Gabler, make your
masterpiece and we will produce it.'

SO I STARTED MY GREAT ADVENTURE!
I needed some slav...
er, some friends who could
work for me without being payed...
I asked Anton to help me,



You know me...
NOTHING can stop me!
so I made MYSELF ALONE
what I like to call...

THE VERY BEST EPISODE OF CM
Writing a CM episode
is EXTREMELY easy, after all.
You need:

A) a bunch of dead prostitutes...

those were easy to get.

It's full of them, near the studios...
and they cannot run away
that fast, on their high heels!

B) A CREEPY UNSUB...

I can do that!

Wait...I am supposed
to be the good guy...
Or maybe.....

I could change the
title of the episode...
This could emphasize
the changes in
Reid's personality!

THE CHARACTERS
FIRST OF ALL, I will
change this stupid
image of Reid being
a kind of asexual freak...
I KNOW what my fans want, so...

(you will see the whole 3 min
HOT video on youtube as soon as
I will win my fight against
freaking computer technology)

HEY I MADE IT I MADE IT!!!!
http://www.youtube
.com/watch?v=DqmoWGUpaUg

And second, I thought Reid
badly needed a new hair style,
more original, adapted to
his new personality....

PERFECT!
Now, because Reid has changed,
the interaction between
him and the other characters
must change too...

For the first time,
Reid will not be
the victim of that jerk
who only managed to read

one book in his whole life!
He will pay him back point
by point...
For instance, after all that training
shooting prostitutes...

Reid has become a JEDI
on the firing range!
do you remember THAT whistle?

that was NOTHING!
That JERK will have to take
this!

and this!

and this!


And THIS too...

BASTARD...
And that's just the BEGINNING...
wait until the day

THAT is a scoop,
(Hemorroids can also explain
why Morgan is constantly
so nervous that can't avoid
snapping Reid and
kicking doors even when
he has got the key...)
And Reid who has never
forgotten how Morgan had
ratted him out some time before,
can finally have his vengeance...

A quick word with J.J....
and the day after

The WHOLE WORLD knows!

A bit childish, maybe...

but terribly effective!!!
This for Morgan...


Let's talk about the girls, now.
The CM girls...well...not that they are
not good looking...but...
with all those changing in Reid..
I think that the girls have to
change a bit too...

become a bit more..



modern, maybe?
Aaaaa, this is MUCH better....
the only small problem is that
after Dr. Reid shows his...er...
REAL personality of
Lasveganian lover,
the official picture

for the presentation of the show

has to be

changed a little bit...
(I also put there my new dog.
Doctor Reid c'est MOI!)

THE EPISODE


J.J.: Biba Balula 29 years old
found dead in
St. FLoyd The Magnificent's
Church, Washington.
REID : Report said it was a suicide.
J.J.: That's the conclusion
Washington Police came too.
REID: And now you must
have some compelling reasons to
think Biba Balula didn't suicide?
J.J.:Yes, there is a small doubt
about the circumstances of the suicide.
The victim stabbed herself
after having swallowed a
Cardinal's skull-cap
and then hanged herself.
But, apparently, the result
was not totally satisfactory,

so she threw herself into the grinder...


REID: Mmmmm....a
Cardinal's skull-cap....
I THINK I'M READY
FOR THE PROFILE!




Matthew Gray Gubler once said:
'Can I give a Shout Out
to the Gublettes?
SHOUT OUT!
done'

REID: Methodic, organized,
the killers seems to have a
total control on the victim...
the fact they forces her to swallow
a Cardinal's cap means that
they are organizing a terrorist
attack against the Pope who will
visit the President today!

MORGAN: How can you affirm that?

REID: Because I'm a Genius!

PRENTISS: (to herself)AMAZING!
I'm a coug for the Reid!
MORGAN: (to himself) GRUNT!

ROSSI: (to himself) I read ALL his books...

HOTCH: (to himself) I think I LOVE him...
REID: We don't have time...
see you down there, guys

Reid lands on the roof of
the White house , climbs down the wall

and enters trough
the window right in the room
where the President and the Pope
are meeting.

REID: No panic, everybody out,
there is a bomb in the Pope's microphone!
POPE: (to himself) when I will go
back to the Vatican, I will beatify him...

Reid escorts the President to a secure place

PRESIDENT: (to himself)I thought
Superman was a fictional character! RICE: (to herself) He's SMOKING HOT!

Reid comes back, makes the bomb
explose in full security. After that, because of his natural modesty,

he takes a little rest far from the
enthousiastic crowd in the gardens of the White House...

and he finally reaches
Enlightenment under
a banyan tree.

FADES.

AND TODAY IS.......


So?

So what?
You know wich
day is today? 9th of March!
and?
Come on!!! It's my birthday.

Are you doing
something special?
Flying out from a lamp
is not special enough,for you?
You know what I mean,

it's MY BIRTHDAY!
And I'm your IDOL....
You are not my idol.
I'm my idol.
I'm Paola from Paris,
nice to meet you.

OK, OK,I was joking...
stop making those puppy eyes...
'course I did something special...


Oh my God.., this is

the CHEAPEST thing
i've ever seen...
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

OK , she is letting me down
and I can't do much about it

But I tell you what I can do,
fans, please join me
for what I like to call
Matthew Gray Gubler's
48TH BIRTHDAY !
I can TOTALLY organize
my own birthday party...
and without spending a fortune!

HOW TO ORGANIZE A BIRTHDAY PARTY
WITHOUT SPENDING A FORTUNE
First of all let's see
what there is in the fridge...

Hmmm...not much I'm afraid..
But I still have plenty
of candys I got

from those kids on Halloween.
I was not "racketting" them,
they wanted to cross my garden
I had the RIGHT to take a purcentage!

(I have to confess that I had
blocked every other street acces

with these crime scene bands
I had found at the studios...)

BTW, I think I'm going
to have a look at the studios
If I can get some of those perks.

like beers...

photographic material for the pics...

Oh! this one was from a friend's
babyshower...well it's OK,
After all I AM a boy.
(This will cut short some
stupid rumors on the web
after the publication

of this pic...)

GUESTS
I'm a real profiler..I know every guest

even before they knock at the door...

Sponge Bob...


Shemar Moore....

And this is... Anton's LAWYER?...

attempted HOMICIDE
for a slap in the face???
Maybe it's because just after
I threw him down the stairs
and I hit him with a frying pan.....
but It was to show him what
Acting really was...
Ungrateful little BASTARD!


This young generation,
no professionalism
and no sense of humor!

I shouldn't have given him C.P.R.!

ENTERTAINMENT....
It' very trendy to invite a
Star on birthdays and
possibly organize an interview...
I will invite the greatest
star alive, and to save money
I will interview him myself...

I'M HAPPY AND HONORED
TO INTRODUCE HERE

MR. MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER!
Sooo, mr. Gubler.... at last
you will have the chance
to answer your fans
about all those stupid
rumors on the web....
the first question is...
ARE YOU GAY?
Thank you for asking...
Have a look: do you see anything?
It cost me a FORTUNE

to get rid of those...
Those...er...WHAT?
NIPPLES!

You scared me, EWWW!!!
second question...
Are you anoressic?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I just follow a special diet
to keep myself in a good shape.
which kind of diet?
I only eat things that
start with "GU" like Gubler.
Like what?

Guda cheese.
Nothing else?

I heard that in a eastern country
(Russia or something like that)
there is a dish called "gulash"
I'm still looking for it.
But sometimes, when I'm
really hungry, I even
chew bubble GUM

some "rumors" on the web
say that you are slightly
hypocondriac and a bit
paranoid about germs
(antrax, for instance)
It's NOT true, If I were,
I certainly wouldn't ever open

my fans' letters...
Yeah...but you are
wearing GLOVES...
Just ecause I RESPECT
them soooo much, I LOVE
my fans! I even go often

to visit my fanclubs!
And I'm NOT hypocondriac.
I just have some few allergies
and I have the right
to protect myself...
Allergies?
Yes:
to Lycro, for instance,

and to

EEEEEEEETCHIPMUNKS!
And I'm passably scared
by anything

you can find under water...

I'm also allergic
to Lens cleaning solution...


to pumpkins...When I carve them
I have strange red spots appearing

around my eyes and
on my fingertips...

And to GUBELETTES! When I get
too near them I have strange red spots

appearing ALL OVER MY FACE!

A couple of years ago,
a famous magasine noted
you as the 48th most
beautiful person alive...

47th, now!
But my aim is getting better...

Ok, this for the interview,
and now
THE GAMES!
I took some funny stuff
at the studios:

this...

and these...
a little SM is very trendy,
and when they are bounded
and gagged, the guests won't

eat and drink much!

THE PARTY
The party was a little bit noisy,

I have to admit, and at first
the new neighbour came
to ask politely if we could
calm down a bit.
.
but then he called
his friends,the bastard,

so we had to go on with the party
in another place.

I tried to reach my lawyers,
but they were with us already....
I will NEVER invite them again.

GIFTS
Now that the party is over
I can finally make
the point about
the gifts that I received:
1,568,736,871,647,8641,879

MISMATCHING SOCKS...
AS USUAL...
and 15 TONS OF

BUTTER PECAN ICE CREAM!
15 TONS!!! I will NEVER
write such private things
on Myspace again...
I asked to the local morgue
if I could use some of their fridges.

They accepted, but then,
how to get rid off all these?
My place is already full of stuff
I can't decide myself to throw away...

Like my great grandfather,
for instance.

In short, I decided to put that ice cream

in my own garden!
It won't last long,
but it's a lot of fun!
Hey, there is one more gift...
What's THIS?

It's renaissance art...
If that's original...
It is?
I don't know,
it's kinda hard to tell...

who is sending it?
I can't read the name very well..

Leonardo...da V... da Vin...di...

Must be Di Caprio, Di Caprio
rings a bell...must be a
famous Italian painter...
AWWW, and the most beautiful
gift of all: a whole bunch

of G.U.B.E.!
(Girls Undressing for my
Birthday Evening)!!!

Er....you, dear guests
you can go home now...


Special thanks
to Monika

for being my muse,
to Outi

for being my database and to
MGG

for allowing me
to use the pics from his Myspace
and the screenshots from his videos...
(actually he DIDN'T, really, but he left a comment
on my Myspace profile and he didn't
complain so I assume he agrees... )
(I hope he won't send me his lawyers tomorrow)
P.S. If you are mad at me, Mr. Gubler,
you know where to find me...
P.P.S. It's true that if you have to be mad
at me it won't be only because of the pics...
P.P.P.S. PLEASE, don't be mad at me.
All this comes from love!
P.P.P.P.S. OMG I can't even imagine what
the Gubelog would be if I HATED you!