Hey!...What the f...
Now, THIS is crazy...
You will be surprised of how
a single word can be transformed
by this kind of rags...
I'll give you an example.
This is an old interview
I gave to TEEN VOGUBE
some years ago.
Now, look how my words
have been transformed
and put out of the context:
the interview was actually
a list of favorites, for instance:
ANIMAL: My dog, Mallory.
She looks like a tiny kangaroo.
I'm thinking about proposing
marriage because
I'm in love with her.
SPORT: Badminton. I'm usually
pretty lame when it comes
to physical activity, but I'm like a
Jedi on the badminton court.
It's as if my body was built
specifically for it, tall and lanky,
with wrists like mousetraps.
And now look what THEY have DONE!
"That man is telling the media
he wants to marry
me, it's a nightmare!"
sources say Mallory
dumped him three months ago
but the 26 years old CM star
will not consider at all
how she is feeling about him.
"There is no way Matthew is
seeing that loser"
blasts a long time friend
of the Lasveganian star.
"He has no interest in her.
He's not even much on
dating at all right now,
he is only concentrating on
himself. But I know that one
day he will come back to me!"
Of course all this crap is a
total invention of a perverse mind!
I swear I never ever
met that kangaroo, and
Mallory (my dog) loves me.
I know it because when
I asked her to marry me,
SHE ACCEPTED!
Now this is what
they did with the
"badminton" stuff:
Hollywood stars are going CRAZY!
Here young actor
Matthew Gray Gubler shows
proudly the result of the last
plastic surgery he underwent
in the G.U.B.E
(Get Unespected Body Elements)
clinic, Orlando FL.
"With this I will certainly become the
World Badminton Champion!"
TOTAL CRAP, OF COURSE!
That was not my LAST surgery,
that was the one BEFORE!
THIS is the last one:
And that mismatching sock story?
God, it was HELL!!!!
They made me appear
like an IDIOT:
Frankly, can YOU imagine ME,
Matthew Gray Gubler,
running around in all the boutiques
of Manhattan like
Paris Hilton, looking for
MISMATCHING SOCKS???????
Heck, no! I went in three
or four shops there...
well...maybe five or six, or maybe
a few more...or like maybe
ten or twelve...and I have
to tell it's true, it's HORRIBLY
difficult to find something to wear,
they ALL were MATCHING!
This is when
I sprained my ankle:
"will he be able to wear socks again?"
Actually my mother wasn't
particularly upset for my ankle...
But the day she came home with THIS.....
I SWEAR, I had
a FREAKING HARD time!
Not that my mom
is particularly homophobic,
don't get me wrong,
only she said she
would have liked to know
this kind of things from ME
and not from Alfred,
her hairdresser, when
he talked to her
to ask for my hand!
I tried to convince her
that I was straight,
but NO WAY!
Well, I have to say that
THEY had gone pro in stalking:
The BASTARDS!
I had to do something...
I started to go out
with ALL the girls I knew...
just to prove to my mom
I was straight...
sometimes I got them by the neck...
sometimes they got ME
by the balls!
sometimes I took two at one
time, using my personal CHARM...
but then, unfortunately
they discovered I was NOT
really from the F.B.I...
and they didn't let me finish
the body search.
Yet, they will never
forget me.....
I'm still HIDING!
sometimes no way to get the girl...
sometimes yes, but then
I had other problems:
One of those crazy girls
of the Discussthegube said
that the girl had a goatee...
and my mom is also on that
stupid discussion board....
so she screamed at me :
"she was CERTAINLY
a transvestite!!!!!!"
I told her: No, mom
this is IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
I always CHECK before!
Still, I couldn't convince my mom,
so after a while I decided to
"cut the umbilical cord"
and to go my way.
I am a grownup, now,
I can stand on my own two feet..
and I know that my fans will
NEVER let me down.
They are great, they are smart,
I can really trust them.
Yes....
Oh well....
