I think the World is finally
ready for my Word...
OK, OK, CALM DOWN!
(and don't start to throw bras!
bras are very disappointing:
there is NOTHING inside!
I mean, who would throw
the WRAPPING of a candy???
Or only the box of a chocolate box?)
Anyway...I think you all
will be glad to have ME,
Your G.U.B.L.E.R.
(GUru Blessing your Life,
Enlightening your Reality)
helping you through all
the little problems and
dangers of your everyday life.
DANGERS
In the past, all that people risked
was MAXIMUM plague...
or maybe one or two
barbarian ivasions...
(HEY! WHO put up this pic?
THESE are supposed to be
the GOOD guys!)
As I was saying
nowadays, the dangers
are a THOUSAND TIMES
more terrible...and they are
everywhere! like for instance
CELLPHONES
Don't forget, CELLPHONES
CAN BLOW UP YOUR BRAIN!!!!
So never use them
while you are driving!
I handle them with care and
always wearing surgical gloves
so I don't leave fingerprints
When I make dirty prank calls! )
SUN
The sun is the first cause of
mortality in the world. In fact
everyone who dies has been
exposed to the sun during his life,
except Vampires and Vampires
don't die. (unless they go in the sun
and this is another proof.)
If you have to go to the sun,
don't forget a good suncream...
but of course in case of a
very sensitive skin
a TOTAL PROTECTION would
be highly recommended.
FAN'S LETTERS
One of the biggest dangers
for a young handsome actor
like me are fan's letters.
I NEVER OPEN THEM WITHOUT
MY GLOVES!!!!!
Not only you never know what
an innocent letter can hide, antrax
or even WORST:LOVE FILTERS,
but above all because....
paper can CUT and it can be
very painful!
GPS
First I used my GPS only to drive
to places I didn't know...
but then I started to use ito go
to buy fruit roll ups at the corner
or to take the cat to the veterinary
.
but finally, after a short
period in a detox clinic
I solved my problem....
Now I have always with me
a pocket map OF THE WORLD
to know exactly where I am !
BANKS
If you ever need money and
decide to go to the bank, do as I do:
leave your skimask and use
a helmet: I heard there are a few
banks that already COLLAPSED!
PROBLEMS
NEIGHBOURS
Dealing with neighbours
is not easy, I know.
It takes a lot of self control,
and a zen, positive attitude
but, above all, it takes
time and practice:
with patience and
perseverance you can reach
your aim and finally get
the peaceful life that you deserve.
PETS
Have you a hyperactive, sometimes
even agressive pet? You have
to learn how to control him,
I will tell you how. First of all
you have to look at him
straight into his eyes ...
he will soon perfectly understand
WHO is the MASTER!
(and BTW, someone could
explain to my freaking goldfish
that they don't have to go out
without my permission???)
A QUICK WORD ABOUT FAMILY
YOUR SONS
You are worried?
Your sons only thinks
to ONE thing, GIRLS?
Well don't worry anymore.
the Gube is here with an
useful item that will help
them to have a good time
and to fight against many
kinds of dangerous
illness such as AIDS...
It was here...crap!
Where did I put it?
ah, here it is:
YOUR DAUGHTERS
For them too I have an useful
item that will help them
.to have a good time and...
so WHAT?
You have such a dirty mind!!!
What do you think I have in there?
A SNAKE?
You can't imagine the quantity
of different stuff I can stick in there!
Perks
scripts...and even
my afternoon snack!
And don't even fancy for a sec
that I will show you my underwear.
With all the stuff I stick in there
there is no room left, so...
I don't wear any!
YOUR HUSBANDS
There is a picture to hang
on the wall or the cupboard
needs to be repared since ages
but your hubby refuses
to listen to you,
because he says he can't handle
a hammer?
Well...it's useless to get angry....
Keep your zen attitude...
just show him
how to use it.
YOUR
(MUHAHAhahahahaha!!!
Sorry....I couldn't resist!
That was really smart, Paola,
you will NEVER reach
enlightenment !!!)
Don't even try to argue
with a woman. It's IMPOSSIBLE
to have the last word. For once
try to follow my path...
don't use the traditional methods...
try the zen attitude...
listen patiently to the lesson of
auto mechanic that she is
trying to give you when,
for instance, the car stops going...
then when she decides to check
the level of gas in the tank
lend her your lighter with a smile.
AND RUN!
Ok, then...feeling good?
feeling enlightened?
Now I'm expecting your praises....
what do you mean WHY? Because...
Because I'm worth it!
HEY! there is someone else
who is worth it!
this is Outi, you know her already,
she enters officially
the Legend of the Gubelog!
nobody like her can catch
the right cap at the right time...
OH NOOOO...not another one...
