Mr. Gubler, if you're watching,
you're not responsible for this.
You understand me?
You are stronger than them.
They cannot break you.
It all started after my uncle from Mexico
invited me for dinner.
Walking home, that night,
I had this strange impression
of being OBSERVED...
It was unpleasant...
Then I stopped near a city map
to have a look
and I saw this...
HOLY CRAP!!!!
THEY WERE FOLLOWING ME!!!
I was scared...WHO were they,
WHAT did they want from ME?
Then I had the first anonymous letter:
and this was just the beginning...
I started to find strange objects
in my dressing room:
they even sent
GREEN KRYPTONITE on the stage!
(But, to tell the truth I believe
that was a delivery mistake,
I think that one was for
)Oh Boy, I was terribly upset
and I started to become
totally paranoid,
I think I was having a depression.
it was AMAZING, in a way: in about
14 minutes and 12 seconds
I went through all the phases of
human distress and human vice:
BULIMIA
ANOREXIA
ALCHOLISM
GAMBLING
SNIFFING WHITE FLOUR
(of course, in 14 minutes and 12 seconds
I couldn't find anything better...I mean...else)
WILD SEX...
and SEVERE CONSTIPATION.
finally I went to see a shrink...
but between you and me...
I found her method...er...
not unpleasant but quite unusual!
It all became worse and worse...
I started...er..to SEE things...
more precisely, I started
to see PEOPLE in things...
FANS, you know?
It was almost undetectable
at the beginning...
then it became...
totally OBSESSIVE...
FANS EVERYWHERE!!!!
And when I tried to alert my agent
he suggested I had to go
into a clinic for a while.
I did.
They were very kind with me,
they even gave me a T-shirt
that was much better
than the only one I have
with black and white stripes.
At least there was
no hole in this one...
But when I saw the doctor
I understood that there was
a SERIOUS problem.
THAT doctor...
I mean ...it couldn't be true,
right?
I was having a hallucination,
right?
I...had to go back to REALITY,
right?
so...
I flew away.
Things were so unbareable
that I seriously started
to think about suicide.
You know..."Gubee or not Gubee,
that is the question..."
I even tried a couple of times:
first I tried to drown myself
but then there was always an idiot
ready to save me just in order
to give me mouth to mouth!
(mainly GIRLS, luckily)
then, with a gun. But I always had
problems with coordination,
I was not quick enough to turn the gun
toward myself just after shooting...
so, unfortunately I killed
one of the guys of CM.
ACK! And not a simple crowd artist,
no!
One of the main characters!
That's why he didn't show up
for the opening of the new season...
they are still looking for him.
But...
I hid the corpse VERY well...
After that I decided
to retire in a monastery
and give my life to God...
And I ended up in the G.U.B.E. (Great
Untouchable Blessed Entity) cult.
It was not so bad:
7 o clock, the Great Priestess
gave us the blessing
8 o'clock meditation
9 o clock singing Psalms
10 o' clock walking on fire...
11 o'clock human sacrifice
The human sacrifice wasn't too
upsetting
until the day they told me
that, in order to satisfy the
Great Untouchable
they needed to sacrifice
the most good looking,
the most perfect
of all the adepts...
CRAP! I tried to make
the ugliest face I could
but it was useless...
the choice
had already been made,
destiny was already fixed,
the name on the little paper....
WASN'T MINE!!!
THAT WAS TOTALLY
UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!
I mean, I am good looking
in real life too!
that's why I left that STUPID cult,
full of tasteless idiots!
When I came home
I had a call from my uncle...
he told me that he made
a small mistake...
the MUSHROOMS he put
in the omelet were the ones
he brought from Mexico
for some of his friends
and that they could give
some slight side effects,
and that he
was very very sorry...
I told him: don't worry,
everything is under control!
YES, EVERYTHING...
