LIFE, THE GUBIVERSE AND EVERYTHING

I think the World is finally

ready for my Word...

OK, OK, CALM DOWN!
(and don't start to throw bras!
bras are very disappointing:

there is NOTHING inside!
I mean, who would throw
the WRAPPING of a candy???
Or only the box of a chocolate box?)

Anyway...I think you all
will be glad to have ME,

Your G.U.B.L.E.R.
(GUru Blessing your Life,
Enlightening your Reality)
helping you through all
the little problems and
dangers of your everyday life.

DANGERS
In the past, all that people risked
was MAXIMUM plague...

or maybe one or two
barbarian ivasions...

(HEY! WHO put up this pic?
THESE are supposed to be
the GOOD guys!)
As I was saying
nowadays, the dangers

are a THOUSAND TIMES
more terrible...and they are
everywhere! like for instance

CELLPHONES
Don't forget, CELLPHONES
CAN BLOW UP YOUR BRAIN!!!!
So never use them

while you are driving!
I handle them with care and

always wearing surgical gloves

so I don't leave fingerprints

When I make dirty prank calls! )

SUN
The sun is the first cause of
mortality in the world. In fact
everyone who dies has been
exposed to the sun during his life,
except Vampires and Vampires
don't die. (unless they go in the sun
and this is another proof.)
If you have to go to the sun,
don't forget a good suncream...

but of course in case of a
very sensitive skin

a TOTAL PROTECTION would
be highly recommended.

FAN'S LETTERS
One of the biggest dangers
for a young handsome actor
like me are fan's letters.

I NEVER OPEN THEM WITHOUT
MY GLOVES!!!!!
Not only you never know what
an innocent letter can hide, antrax
or even WORST:LOVE FILTERS,
but above all because....

paper can CUT and it can be
very painful!

GPS
First I used my GPS only to drive
to places I didn't know...
but then I started to use ito go
to buy fruit roll ups at the corner
or to take the cat to the veterinary

.

but finally, after a short
period in a detox clinic
I solved my problem....

Now I have always with me
a pocket map OF THE WORLD
to know exactly where I am !

BANKS
If you ever need money and
decide to go to the bank, do as I do:

leave your skimask and use

a helmet: I heard there are a few
banks that already COLLAPSED!

PROBLEMS

NEIGHBOURS
Dealing with neighbours
is not easy, I know.

It takes a lot of self control,
and a zen, positive attitude
but, above all, it takes
time and practice:

with patience and
perseverance you can reach
your aim and finally get

the peaceful life that you deserve.

PETS
Have you a hyperactive, sometimes
even agressive pet? You have
to learn how to control him,
I will tell you how. First of all
you have to look at him
straight into his eyes ...

he will soon perfectly understand


WHO is the MASTER!
(and BTW, someone could
explain to my freaking goldfish

that they don't have to go out
without my permission???)


A QUICK WORD ABOUT FAMILY


YOUR SONS
You are worried?
Your sons only thinks
to ONE thing, GIRLS?
Well don't worry anymore.

the Gube is here with an
useful item that will help
them to have a good time
and to fight against many
kinds of dangerous
illness such as AIDS...

It was here...crap!
Where did I put it?
ah, here it is:



YOUR DAUGHTERS
For them too I have an useful
item that will help them
.
to have a good time and...

so WHAT?

You have such a dirty mind!!!
What do you think I have in there?
A SNAKE?
You can't imagine the quantity
of different stuff I can stick in there!

Perks

scripts...and even

my afternoon snack!

And don't even fancy for a sec
that I will show you my underwear.
With all the stuff I stick in there
there is no room left, so...

I don't wear any!


YOUR HUSBANDS
There is a picture to hang
on the wall or the cupboard
needs to be repared since ages
but your hubby refuses

to listen to you,
because he says he can't handle
a hammer?
Well...it's useless to get angry....

Keep your zen attitude...
just show him

how to use it.

YOUR


(MUHAHAhahahahaha!!!
Sorry....I couldn't resist!

That was really smart, Paola,
you will NEVER reach
enlightenment !!!)


Don't even try to argue
with a woman. It's IMPOSSIBLE
to have the last word. For once
try to follow my path...

don't use the traditional methods...

try the zen attitude...
listen patiently to the lesson of
auto mechanic that she is
trying to give you when,
for instance, the car stops going...

then when she decides to check
the level of gas in the tank

lend her your lighter with a smile.

AND RUN!


Ok, then...feeling good?
feeling enlightened?
Now I'm expecting your praises....
what do you mean WHY? Because...

Because I'm worth it!

HEY! there is someone else
who is worth it!

this is Outi, you know her already,
she enters officially
the Legend of the Gubelog!
nobody like her can catch
the right cap at the right time...

OH NOOOO...not another one...

GOING SOUTH
even Geniuses need a vacation...

Well, after all those emotions
(BTW, the SUV that exploded

was his, so stop panicking....)
Ok, don't look at me like that...

IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!
I probably talk a bit too much,
and sometimes maybe

to the wrong people... But HECK,
with the crazy rythm of shooting
episodes that he had, a part from
hoping for an actor strike,
THIS was the only way we could
get a decent vacation!
(Moreover, THEY forced me to pay

and the job was not even properly
done! REALLY, IT WAS NOT FAIR!)

But what was done, was done...
and, as I was saying,
we all needed a a vacation.
A VACATION..... a real one, with
a lot of filming and pics so I
could annoy my friends
and family once back,
like after Life Aquatic....

A vacation... leaving far, far away...
for a dangerous, totally wild,
almost unexplored country...

A country where I could
bring my rifle, my hat
and my whip to protect myself
from the wild local tribes...
A country where I could finally

be a REAL man....a hunter...


Dangerous Amazon forest?
Wild Zaire? Silent Gobi desert?
And finally a sudden flash
enlightened my mind:
THE SOUTH!
In the south
they had
history
manners
trees
food
sincerity
ghosts
inspiration
land
patience
fire
flies
courtesy
rocking chairs
pie
That's why I decided to go to

Germany!
AH, OLD EUROPE!!!!
I could already see myself

sliding down the eternal
snow of Everest Mountain,
stride in the lonesome, mysterious

russian savana
riding through the South Pole
with my sleigh...
I have already bought

one of the DOGS!
OK, then, now I needed
to organize it all.

First thing I needed a little help...
that was not difficult to find,

I am very popular at work...
the guys of the crew
have even artistically decorated


the objects of their everyday's
life with my face...


my collegue were so nice

they said that they were
so happy to see me going away
that they didn't mind to help!
(and yes, er...
I had to hire some
more people

I REALLY had
A LOT of luggages!)

THE TRAVEL
My adventure could finally start...
yes! I was finally G.R.A.Y.
(Going on the Road Again,Yeah!)

I took my car and I
headed for GERMANY!!!!
YOOOHO!!!
Like an old explorer!
Only.... I suddenly find
myself in front of a
HUGE PROBLEM.......

HECK! NOBODY HAD WARNED ME!!!
Anyway, I left my old Volvo and I
I hitchhiked my way...

but the only possibility I found
was going to take a little bit of time....
Moreover...there was already
a huge crowd (95% more
beautiful than all art) waiting...

and I had not much time,
(Ed was probably recovering
insanely quickly)
so, despite the guys were
lovely and gave me a begel


and a smoke...

(BTW, funny taste

their mint cigarets...)
I decided to take the plane...

Actually, this part of my trip
is a bit confused...

the airplane, a weird one,
was up there...then there was

a kind of...BEAM....
and I was brought aboard....

and there, there was that
weird steward staring at me...
probably a fan....
and also a couple of those...

Or maybe they were still on that boat?
No, no...I'm certain...


then I don't remember much...

I think I slept for the
rest of the flight.
But when I woke up I was..

IN GERMANY!!!!!
I was extremely well documented,

(I had googled "Germany"
just before leaving!)
Germany, the local population,
primitive tribes of Goths

Visigoths, Oystergoths
and Sturm und Drangs,
(I was ready to face the danger,

(Moreover I had brought
some of these

to exchange with their
primitive golden jewels
I heard the Nibelungen had rings.)

and Berlin, with its famous
Wailing Wall....

(I thought it was bigger, though.)

I was not like those ignorant,
ugly American turists,

nobody could suspect I didn't
belong to the country!
The first thing I did,
was to go in a tipical

German restaurant
and taste the local "delicatessen".

well...

maybe with a little bit
too much enthousiasm.
But I was more careful with
the local females...

Ed had told me: "don't touch the girls,
we have enough of J.J. pregnant,
we don't want to have to blow
Reid out for nine months too.
Don't forget the good old latex friends."
I didn't get exactly what he meant,
but I didn't take the risk.
Whenever I was with a girl...

I wore surgical GLOVES.

Anyway, I'm back, now...
And guess who came to
get me at the airport?

er... I was happy to see
that he was feeling better...
and I was also happy

that I found a good place
to HIDE!










Special thanks to my
very special friend Outi
my living database and my Muse.