MY LIFE IS A MOVIE!

I think I finally found my way.
I know what I will do...
I WILL MAKE A MOVIE!

OK, it's extremely simple:
to make a good movie,
a part from being a Genius,

(and this is NOT a problem, ask my mom)
you only need three things:
1)Money
2)an interesting script
3)some very good actors.
that's all! Not a big deal!
First of all I needed a logo:
I'd been improving my skill
with photoshop, lately...
I created this one wich I think
had all what was needed:
IMPACT, and, even more important,

ORIGINALITY!

The G.U.B.E.
(Gubler Universal Broadcasting Entertainment)
is officially born!!!
It's a full time job
to climb the stairs of fame,
I tell you! You don't have
to forget your aim,
not even for a second:

For exemple, these are the weights
I use in my fitness center!

I have to get accustomed to fame...
That's why I already prepared this!

and for the hands and feet prints,
I already started training...

and I've already chosen a place!
only...as my hand and feet are particularly big,

I will "borrow" also one half
of the space on my right and
one half of the space on my left.
(Marilin Monroe and Charlie Chaplin
are dead since a long time, anyway,
and their heirs I'm sure
won't even notice it.)

MONEY

At the beginning I thought: it's easy,
I'll go to a bank and they
will give me the money.
banks are made for this,
Where is the problem?

I went to the bank...But someone
apparently had had the same idea...

and when it was my turn,

there was nothing left to take!

well, this was certainly not stopping me.
I had another idea:

I decided to make money by myself.
After all, as i already told you, my skill on
photoshop had REALLY improved a lot!
But when everything was almost finished,
there was a knock on my door...

they started to yell at me
that it was illegal, or
some stupid thing like that.
but I answered them that
there was NO copyright on them!

Afrer all, I can do
what I wantwith my image,
My agent told me!
But I had to find another idea,
because, unespectedly, people
refused to accept my dollars.

I wonder why,
I am much cuter than the other guy...

So I thought to make a bit of advertising,
and I contacted a famous coffee brand.
I changed a bit their LOGO
and their SLOGAN.
I thought it would be good for them,
after all, I'm famous, and I will be
EVEN more famous after the Oscars!

I really didn't understand why the hell
they REFUSED It! Totally CRAZY!
Never mind, I will make the movie at home,

I just need to make a bit of room.
Ill put a few things I don't need away...


THE SCRIPT

"Er...any ideas for the script or the cast,
Paola? You always complain
I never ask for your advice..."

"I AM ON STRIKE!
I will never make any Gubelog again!
I was serching all the web and
ALL your pics are COPYRIGHTED!
the only one I found that I could use is this

BUT WHAT THE HELL
CAN I DO WITH IT?????
The only thing I will do for you is...
well, there is this friend of mine
who is UNEMPLOYED at the moment....
see if you can find him a small part.
I send you his pic by mail."

Mmmm... I doubt your guy could fit...


I'm planning to make a movie
about a team of profilers...
You know, profilers, those guys
who see a drop of blood
and immediately can tell you
wich color were the nickers
the criminal was wearing while
he was committing his crime...
I have A LOT of ideas...
I will have the first role,
(this will reduce the cost of the movie)
and I will tell a lot of very intresting,
touching, clever and deep sentences...
like:

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN HIM,
HE CANNOT BREAK YOU!
Or, maybe:

GUY HAS A PROBLEM WITH KURT VONNEGUT?
or even:

THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWERS!

I like movies, you can do absolutely
EVERYTHING in them...
I can even tackle down an unsub...
using special effects, of course.

OK, I chose one not to big, to start with...
but believe me...special effects or not,

he was AMAZINGLY tough!
I have another idea, instead
of a killing team, I could hire
a serial killer with a triple personality
(we will have to pay one salary
instead of three) he would be, for instance

The father, the son...and what else?
the Holy Spirit?
NAH... a story like this
will NEVER work!!!!


THE CASTING

Wait a moment...
the director of the casting it's ME..

I may need this, after all...

what are you thinking, you, dirty minded?

I need something we can SIT on!
I had to get rid of all the chairs!
Who else do we have?

Well...there is this boy who came twice...

he keeps on sayng that he knows
the director very well..
The all say that. Wish I knew
the director very well....
And the director is ME!
and then these crazy girls from Germany...

I wonder why they wear
those ridiculous clothes....
people are ready to do
everything for being noticed!

it looks like a remake of
"O'brother where art thou..."
they probably belong
to a cult or something!.

THE CREW
As you know, the budget
of my movie was quite small,

I even wrote the script
on my own hands to save money,
and I only had an assistant....
too bad I told him to wait
for the guy Paola had sent me.
He is been waiting, and waiting
and waiting and waiting...

he is still waiting....

Now i'm alone, completely alone...
and I have no money
to hire a new assistant...

"You are not alone, Mr. Gubler...

You know, strike or not strike,
I'm always here to help you...
if you need money,
why you don't sell something on Ebay?"

Now, this was NOT a good idea...

and I wish I'd NEVER listened to HER...
BUT I DID and I decided to sell

A SNIPPET OF MY HAIR...

Well...the worst wasn't the press...
You know, I'm accustomed to this.

the worst was what happened
immediately AFTER!

Uncontrollable groups of fans
went totally wild!
some of them started to rob banks
in order to collect money for the auction

some of them threw themselves on me

to tear off the rest
of my hair and of my clothes

Look what they did to my Tshirt,

(I will go on wearing it anyway,
to save money for my movie)

some of them tracked me restlessly

AND, WORST THAN THAT,
SHE EVEN USED THE PICS

FOR HER STUPID BLOG!!!!!!

and despite the speach the President
did to calm down the Nation,

the security squad had to be called

and I was rescued at the last second

from being burned alive on the STAKE!!!

I had to stop the auction anyway
because the ziplock baggy with the
snippet of my hair had been robbed
after a bloody and merciless fight

and finally abducted by an U.F.O

probably belonging to the Betelgeuse fleet
because an intense explosion
completely destroyed
a whole planet in that area...


I Was thinking I could sell
my HOLEY Tshirt,
but I'm seriously
reconsidering the idea....


The world is not ready for that.

A special thank for Mel and Monika for being my muses...