CRIMINAL FINGERS

I can't believe she did THAT!
I'll call her IMMEDIATELY.
She is going to HEAR me!


PAOLA! Are you CRAZY??? Why did you
spoil MY blog with that stupid story????


Wait a moment.... this is NOT your blog, this is
MY blog, honey, and I am the GODDESS here...
and you know what?
YES, I AM CRAZY!!!!BWAHAHAHAHA!
I am very proud of my story,
I made it with my very own HANDS!
I'm sooooo sorry you don't like it...
but it is going to be in here , whether you like it or not...


YOU ARE....If I had HIRED you you would be FIRED!

"But you didn't hire me....and you know what?
You look outrageously HOT when you are mad at me...
*WINK WINK!* so...enjoy the story! "








"DONNA BAFFUTA SEMPRE PIACIUTA"


Hello! I'm Paolafromparis, I work here, at B.A.U.
I am a G.U.B.E (Garbage Unit/Bureau Empoyee).
I excuse me, I am Italiana, I speak Englich no good.

Here evrybody are very nice, even that Morgan, he is a
bit hoolligan, he has too many teeth and I am always afraid
he will pinch my ass if I don't watch out.


But the one I prefere is the little one, he looks like he don't eat for 4 months.
When I see him my heart goes BWAM! And I feel I must to cook him
spaghetti "Bolognese" one of these days!



I always follow him everywhere, but he very shy. No easy to catch.
Last tuesday evening, he was in his office, (I locked the door, so he can't escape)
so I could cook for him good pasta "arrabbiata".


I say "eat, boy! This good for you!!!"


...


Maybe I put a little bit too much chilly pepper...
When he breath again I told him:


"Listen boy, you need a true woman, with true boobs"
*patting boobs with inner satisfaction*
not one "no-ass, no-boobs" modern girl!
Those don't cook, eat one leaf of salad then say "aaah I eat too much!"
put two fingers in the mouth and BWAH!!! Vomit everything!
In Italy we say "donna baffuta, sempre piaciuta" means "a woman
with mustache is the best ever", but if you don't like it, no problem...

I SHAVE!

He listened to me then he ran away, all red like when
he ate my "arrabbiata".
I know the boy likes me,
but he is shy, he don't DARE!

Last Friday I come to clean and I found him in his office.

I say, boy, what you do here, it is night!
He say: "actually I'm trying to decode this formula, it has been found near the victim, she wrote it with her blood, just before dying. I believe it contains the name of the unsub. If I discover it, many people will be saved. I cannot go home and leave this case unsolved..."
I say: "hey, it's easy! Look, you add first line to third, you take one number yes, one number no, you divide all for the number of stars in the consellation of the Dog and you have:1426772242092622062515229. if you put letters going backward, you get..."

"MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER!!!! The unsub is Matthew Gray Gubler!!!
YOU SOLVED THE CASE!!!!"

Then we stay there until the morning, talking.
The boy is really genius! HE UNDERSTANDS EVERYTHING I SAY!!!!

__________________________________________________


Today big party for me, it is my birthday, and also I celebrate
I don't work anymore as a G.U.B.E.



Now I work for the B.A.U., for the Hotch, the one who always look as he has
caught his balls in the zipper. Maybe for this he never smiles.
But he is nice man.
When I blow candles, they say:" Paola, this is your birthday,
you can ask a gift and we give you."
so I said:" I don't want gift, I want little Dr. Reid come out tonight
with me for fun, and I choose where to go!"
But the Hoolligan says: "no, this is not something we can give you, Reid is not a..."

then, suddenly, dr. Reid stand up and says: "Ok...er...um...Paola, I will...
er...come out with you...tonight...If it's this that you...want..."

(and I think is true, I am genius too, because I understand what he says!)

I don't say nothing. My heart go BWAM!!!!!! And I feel my eyes like when I chop a kilo of onions for my "Bolognese" ...
__________________________________________________________
A WEEK LATER

"Man, I can't believe you are dating Paola! I mean, she is a wonderful person,
but she is six feet nine inches tall! She is as feminine as Shrek! It's like you
were dating a bodygard with a bra!

"Actually, I don’t believe that beauty and grace can be accurately quantified...you know me, Morgan, I've never laughed a lot in my whole life...I usually spend my
time feeling uneasy and worryng about everything.
She is so funny she makes me laugh all the time!
When I am with her, I feel happy, I feel safe, like never before...
She takes care of me better than a mother, and she is incredibly smart,
she always seems to know exactly what I need...maybe I really needed
a bodygard, maybe I needed a guardian angel, a guardian angel
for my soul...
With her I do things I never did before in my life... with her
I feel I become a better profiler...a better person.
And you know, Morgan, she looks wonderful, to me."


* Paola's voice calling from the corridor*:" Are you ready,
sweet little honeybird?
Today you choose the movie, we won't really watch it, anyway,
if you know what I mean...HE HE HE!*wink wink*
But before, if we have time, I teach you some Catch holds, very funny,
sure you like it!!!!!"

Reid, to Morgan, with a happy grin: "You see what I mean?"


THE END

Similarities to actual events, persons, television shows are purely coincidental

P.S. I'm NOT 6 feet 9 inches tall. And I have NO mustache. All the rest (funny, incredibly smart .....) is true, of course. Paolafromparis.