A MODEL FOR US ALL


So... this is you...Mr. Gubler??? You look a bit...blurred...
you looked CLEARER in Criminal minds...

No, you silly, I'm not REALLY here...this is just a TV interview!
And...what the hell have you done with your pic? You look much nicer than you really are...
PATHETIC!


Can we go on with this interview??? President Bush and the Pope are planned
to be next and it's already half an hour they are standing out there in the rain...
So, How did you do to become an actor, Mr. Gubler?


Actually I did A LOT more in order NOT to become an actor...
I'm a country boy, the Hollywood world was not for me...

You know, there, everything is corrupted with sin
and lust...and...and
all kinds of..of...of PERVERSION!

women and men...

men and men...

and even...MEN and....




I don't even DARE to tell you...

A real ABOMINATION!

Girls didn't leave me alone a second, it was annoying...

sometimes even VERY annoying...

but that wasn't the worst!
also the guys at the studio were looking at me in that funny way

telling me kinda...dirty stories of...animals...I think there were lots of flies...no.. .wasps, maybe...
NO, I GOT IT, birds and bees in them...
I wonder WHY...

always looking at me with...you know, that "have you nipples?"
kind of look...

until that I still could COPE with the situation....
BUT then

THE DOG started to wink at me TOO!

That's why I decided I had to leave that world.. and look for a cleaner,
easier, world...a world where everybody smiles.. everybody
is happy
for each daily little thing, like eating a bit of cheese
or wearing a pair of shoes and immediately becoming
a basketball champion...

I became a MODEL!



It was harder than I thought, though...

You have to know that to keep your body in perfect shape is a full time job! The guy kept on telling me "Matthew you have to get rid off all this cellulitis..."

so I started to do the G.U.B.E.(Get Unconscious Before Eating) diet:
a friend had to hit me very hard on my head just before every meal.
Painful, yes, but INCREDIBLY effective!
Despite I was so hungry that I almost started to eat myself up,

after only a couple of weeks I looked like this:


but I think the worst of all was the chiropodist.

a real TORTURE!

And advertising was also quite hard stuff...

The first advertising I had to do, for instance, at the beginning
I thought it was for a well known brand of body creams and shampoos...
l'Oreab, they said..but it turned out to be
" Long' Original Rifles, Explosives and Bombs"
and it was hard....

trying to look sexy when you had to say...

after being blown away by a huge explosion....

But frankly the second spot, for the same company, was even worst, I hadn't a word to say, just aim

and shoot:

and the other guy didn't even have a medical insurance!

the last one I did was an advertisment for a cheap plastic surgery clinic, the M&M, (Moderate and Marvellous) clinic.
The slogan had to be "melt your thighs not your purse" or something like that.

the scene was just perfect..

only, I put a bit too much enthusiasm in it...

luckily the guy was left-handed.

that is why I came back to the cinema.
They have STUNT MEN, there.